For as long as I could remember, I’ve always struggled with this idea of doing more for people than I am getting from them. It seems like I’m always giving, giving, and giving all that I have with little to no return. Whether it be from friends, associates, mates, or family, you may deal with this same struggle. What do you do when you are giving so much of yourself that it feels like you have little to nothing left for you?
Here’s an example, I had a friend, and would do any and everything that I could for her. If they needed a ride, I was there. If they needed money when they were short, I opened my wallet without any hesitation. But when the tables were turned things were different. When I needed a ride, there was an issue. When I didn’t have enough money, they thought twice before opening their wallet. I tolerated this for about 3 years and after a while, it became tiring. I’ve never had an actual leach before, but I would assume that the feeling of having a leach would be identical to this relationship. It goes without saying that after a while, I woke up and smelled the coffee. I no longer wanted a part of a relationship that was not mutually beneficial.
Throughout the relationship I tried to compensate for the person’s short comings by saying, “well, that would be selfish of me to ask her to do for me as I do for her”. But the truth is, no it’s not! It’s not selfish, it’s not asking too much, and relationships are not a one-sided deal. If you have someone in your life who is like this, talk to them about your concerns and if they aren’t willing to adjust then let it go. You also have to forgive people who are like this… Don’t hold a grudge. Once you realize that not everyone has the same heart as you, you’ll understand that all that you may do for people isn’t always what they would do for you… and that’s ok. If you’re a “gallon” person, I commend you. It takes a lot out of a person to love people who aren’t capable of loving you to the same extent. I also challenge you to not change in fear of never having the same given to you as you give to others.
I used to often question, “Why wouldn’t she do this for me when I’d do it for her?” or “Why does he have to think about doing this when I wouldn’t hesitate to do it for him?” But I realized that it’s not logical to believe that everyone has the same values as I do and people don’t love how I love. The sooner you come to grips with this, the better off you and your relationships will be.
From Me to You, Love.