Sex is such a touchy subject to discuss… Well at least it is for me. I recently received a request to discuss the topic of having sex before marriage. As I thought about it, I realized that this subject probably needs to be broken up into three different posts. This particular post is going to be a woman’s perspective.
First and foremost, as a disclaimer to you, I am extremely biased when it comes to sex. When I was younger, I went to an annual event that was called ‘It’s Great to Wait’ and I also attended church conventions that went into great detail about the importance of waiting. As you may conclude, being that I’ve waited, I enlisted the opinions of a few female friends of mine who are more knowledgeable in the topic. The following is the dialogue we had…
Question: Do you wish you would have waited to have sex?
Answer: “In the culture we live in now, it is uncommon for people to wait until marriage. Society has desensitized people when it comes to having sex before marriage and it is very difficult to promote and teach waiting when everywhere you look the opposite is being said. I believe the decision to wait or not is based on an individual basis and involves many different factors.”
Question: Do you think the first time you’ve had sex has affected the relationships after that person?
Answer: “Most definitely, sometimes I wish my first wasn’t my first, however, being with him taught me a lot about what I wanted from a man and how I should be treated and cared for”
Question: Do you think that if you would have waited and had sex with someone else that it would be different?
Answer: (Person A) “Yes, because I didn’t have an emotional connection with my first. If it was someone I loved or had that emotional connection with, I personally think it would’ve been different.”
(Person B) “Yes, It was not a healthy relationship… I also had a lot of self-esteem and confidence issues so I used sex to feel better about myself. Now, I didn’t know that’s what I was doing until I got older and started to love myself.”
The resounding conclusion seems to be that many women wish they’d have waited… if not until marriage, at least long enough for a person that they truly loved. I believe that at certain times, many of the decisions we make are based off of feelings and emotions that aren’t truly ours. Sometimes these feelings actually belong to friends, mates, and even society. If everyone around you seems to be OK with having sex, you may feel that it is OK.. But the truth is, you are the captain of your own ship, so don’t let anyone or anything convince you to do something that you aren’t ready for.
What do you think? Next time, we’ll take a look at a man’s perspective.