<p> ;When you look up the definition of love, you&#8217;ll find, <span style="color:rgb(255,0,255);"><em>&#8220;an intense feeling of deep affection&#8221;</em></span>. But the truth is, love means different things to different people. If you ask your mother what love ;is, she may say, it&#8217;s the feeling of carrying a baby for 9 months and finally being able to look into it&#8217;s eyes. A child may say, love is having a friend share their crayons. Love is spectacular in that way&#8230;</p>
<blockquote>
<p style="text-align:center;"><em>It means a variety of things, evokes different feelings, carries different definitions, but no <span style="color:#ff00ff;"><strong>specific</strong> </span>answer is right or wrong.</em></p>
<hr>
<p style="text-align:center;">
</blockquote>
<p>When I was 18 years old, I loved someone. The funny thing about love is, once you&#8217;ve truly loved someone, I mean <span style="color:#ff00ff;"><strong><em>really</em> </strong></span>loved them&#8230;you always will. The nature of the relationship may change, you may move thousands of miles apart, but love remains.</p>
<p>I met him when I was 17 years old, he was a problem student and I was an honor student. Our paths didn&#8217;t connect until the summer before senior year as we would both soon serve our school in a major capacity. During that last year of school we grew closer, our mothers became friends (you know how that goes), families bonded, and we had a share of roller coaster events that year that caused many shed tears. However, none compared to the bombshell that I got the summer before entering college. Surprise! He had two bundles of joy on the way.</p>
<!-- WP QUADS Content Ad Plugin v. 3.0.2 -->
<div class="quads-location quads-ad1" id="quads-ad1" style="float:none;margin:10px;">

</div>

<p>I was devastated. I lost my appetite for weeks on end, I didn&#8217;t want to go anywhere or see anyone. I thought I&#8217;d never recover. Funny now looking back, I missed out on a great summer that year. The babies came and I swore off guys altogether. I didn&#8217;t want to give anyone the time of day and I was successful. I didn&#8217;t talk to one guy at FAMU until my junior year, even though that one didn&#8217;t end well either.</p>
<p>Anyhow, time continued on and we kept in contact, argued, made up, argued again, and the cycle continued&#8230;until a few months ago. It was like I had an epiphany or a veil had been removed from my eyes. For so long, I had a <span style="color:#ff00ff;">fantasy</span> in my head of what life would be like with this guy, until I realized how LIT my future could be without him. I thank God for our many moments together, don&#8217;t get me wrong, but in that course of time I lost track of <span style="color:#ff00ff;"><strong>Shaakira</strong> </span>because I was always thinking about Shaakira <span style="text-decoration:underline;">AND</span> Mystery Guy.</p>
<p>I saw a quote that said, &#8220;someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too was a gift.&#8221; I couldn&#8217;t have said it better myself. I had so many sad moments and times that I felt worthless because I was putting so much of myself into this person, that I forgot to sow into my own life. I would be trying to get him to see his potential so much so that my own potential was fading.</p>
<p>I say all of this to say, that although I can say that I loved him, I had to love myself more. I had to realize that it&#8217;s not selfish to put myself first and say, &#8220;he&#8217;s not adding to my life, so it&#8217;s time to do some subtracting.&#8221; All of those things are perfectly okay, remember that.</p>
<p>With transparency, from Me to You, Love.

An Open Letter about My First Love
