
<p>Last week I turned 26 years old. Most people are excited for their birthdays and usually have plans of extravagant dinners and trips to celebrate another revolution around the sun, but I haven&#8217;t been able to identify with that feeling in a while. To be honest, I haven&#8217;t thoroughly enjoyed a birthday since I turned 23. </p>



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<p>It seems that every year since then, I&#8217;ve been met with waves of sadness and frustration instead of happiness and excitement. I never wanted to voice those feelings because I felt that if I did, I would seem as if I were taking for granted the blessing of seeing another year of life. However, now that I sit and reflect on it, I was doing myself a disservice for not giving my feelings the attention they needed. This year only made it worse because after Kobe, Gigi, and others passed in the accident back in January, I made myself a promise. I promised that this year, I would celebrate the gift that is &#8220;life&#8221; and <strong>go somewhere</strong> and <strong>do something</strong>. The tables turned with the Coronavirus due to social distancing, and that plan was now out of the question. </p>



<p>So here I was, stuck inside and forced to deal with these emotions for another year. But I wanted this year to be different so I asked myself a question&#8230; and then I did what any millennial would do when they have a question about something- I googled it. </p>



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<p><strong>Bingo.</strong> After reading the first few results, I learned that many people deal with these feelings as another birthday approaches. I even found a name for it&#8230; it&#8217;s called the <strong><em>&#8220;birthday blues&#8221;</em></strong>. These feelings usually arise when we feel like we aren&#8217;t as accomplished as we would have liked to be. Fear of aging and uncertainty of the future are also causes of the &#8220;birthday blues&#8221;. </p>
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<p>Great, now I have a name for it! See, the thing about fighting battles is this, <strong><em>you can&#8217;t fight what you don&#8217;t face&#8230; and you can&#8217;t face what you don&#8217;t see.</em></strong> Hopefully, by being able to see that this thing isn&#8217;t uncommon and there is a name for it, I can be more comfortable accepting the waves as they come. Another great thing is that I now recognize where those feelings may be arising from and why I&#8217;m feeling them. </p>



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<p>Uncertainty is not something I&#8217;m fond of. I like knowing what&#8217;s coming so that I can be prepared. When the birthday blues first began for me, it was at a time where I no longer had a set in stone plan. I was gearing up to start graduate school but I knew it only lasted for so long and I had no clue what was going to be at the end of that finish line. I still don&#8217;t but I&#8217;m trying to reassure myself that it&#8217;s ok not to see the picture clearly. </p>



<p>I read a quote once that said, <strong><em>&#8220;either God shows you the end and doesn&#8217;t show you the steps to get there, or he shows you all the steps without showing you what the end looks like.&#8221;</em></strong> I believe that he&#8217;s shown me what the end of my journey looks and feels like but he hasn&#8217;t shown me the steps to get there. Talk about faith, right? I&#8217;m living and I&#8217;m learning daily. </p>



<p>I&#8217;m learning that it&#8217;s ok to not have it all figured out right now. </p>



<p>I&#8217;m learning that other people&#8217;s victory is not my loss. </p>



<p>I&#8217;m learning that equating age with how much you &#8220;should have achieved by now&#8221; is not a healthy thought process&#8230;</p>



<p>and I&#8217;m learning that it&#8217;s all going to be ok. </p>



<p>So with that being said, I hope that you are allowing yourself to <em>feel all the feelings</em> right now. I hope that you know that you are loved and I hope that you know that although the road may not be straight, the journey is still worthwhile. </p>



<p><em>From me to you, so much <strong>love. </strong></em></p>



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Beating the “Birthday Blues”
